My Anzac recount
This is a recount as if I was at the war at Gallipoli. This is my 2nd task to do for our Anzac activities. I think I could have improved more on showing and not telling, because it was really hard to do that. One sentence where I 'showed' really well was where I wrote, "I felt like I was trapped in a pitch black room," because instead of saying I felt really scared and angry, then that would be telling. I also did well at describing the scene at the beginning.
Time of war!
The time has finally come. Me and the other troops were going to a battle at Gallipoli I have been writing in this diary on the boat about what each day felt away from home.Suddenly I felt scared, because we were there at Gallipoli, but still a bit far away that's, because we had to walk there. The real danger has come. I smelt the sea water as I jumped out, the water was up to my thigh. I could hear the bullets as it flew past, I couldn’t hear that well afterwards. Finally, we reached our destination, Suddenly, I felt like I was trapped in a pitch black room. I could see the Humongous cliff with our enemies on top. I ran as fast as I could to get cover, and then I found a little wooden boat. Suddenly someone told me to come with them, so I went then I found this long trench, so I ran and jumped and landed nicely I also saw some of my mates. A streak of light went passed me. I realized that was a bullet so I quickly went a little bit deeper into the trench. I saw a lot of people that passed away at the no-man's-land. The gunshot sounds were starting to fade away. I heard my tummy rumbling. The smoke smelt strong. The ringing in my ears was deafening, so they had to scream so I could hear. It was begging to get dark and I felt tired, so I made a bed then I slept. This was my first day of war!