Thursday, 14 April 2016

Time of war!

My Anzac recount

This is a recount as if I was at the war at Gallipoli. This is my 2nd task to do for our Anzac activities. I think I could have improved more on showing and not telling, because it was really hard to do that. One sentence where I 'showed' really well was where I wrote, "I felt like I was trapped in a pitch black room," because instead of saying I felt really scared and angry, then that would be telling. I also did well at describing the scene at the beginning.

Time of war!

The time has finally come. Me and the other troops were going to a battle at Gallipoli I have been writing in this diary on the boat about what each day felt away from home.Suddenly I felt scared, because we were there at Gallipoli, but still a bit far away that's, because we had to walk there. The real danger has come. I smelt the sea water as I jumped out, the water was up to my thigh. I could hear the bullets as it flew past, I couldn’t hear that well afterwards. Finally, we reached our destination, Suddenly, I felt like I was trapped in a pitch black room. I could see the Humongous  cliff with our enemies on top. I ran as fast as I could to get cover, and then I found a little wooden boat. Suddenly someone told me to come with them, so I went then I found this long trench, so I ran and jumped and landed nicely I also saw some of my mates. A streak of light went passed me. I realized that was a bullet so I quickly went a little bit deeper into the trench. I saw a lot of people that passed away at the no-man's-land. The gunshot sounds were starting to fade away. I heard my tummy rumbling. The smoke smelt strong. The ringing in my ears was deafening, so they had to scream so I could hear. It was begging to get dark and I felt tired, so I made a bed then I slept. This was my first day of war!

1 comment:

  1. Hey Shanya, you've used your senses really well to describe what you might see, hear, smell, taste and feel when in warfare. You are also attempting to 'Show' not 'Tell' what was happening. One example of this is "I heard my tummy rumbling" which shows me that the narrator was hungry.