Thursday, 28 April 2016

Carmen's Dear diary writing into the Jaws of Death

In week 10 we learned about anzacs and war here is my diary entree hope you enjoy my writing. 

Dear Diary I got put on the terrible list to go to war 3 months ago! We started training in front of the sandy Egypt pyramids like 1 month ago. All our training paid off it was time.

“Wake up wake up soldiers” yelled our leader I could barely lift my heavy eyelids.  

At last they got to shore the poor anzacs I couldn't see anything at all except for trees. I’m a backup just in case something happens so I’m still on the ship thank gosh! I looked over and waited for three hours it felt like forever…  then suddenly…  BOOM  the enemy struck so powerfully my heart wouldn't stop pounding. All most everyone died so I got called to the to fight on the battlefield.

I’m on the soft sandy beach I can see all of my friends getting shot but where are the enemies shooting from? All the things I learned where are they? I knew it I knew it they were in the forest and all my friends were shooting at the top of the mountain.

For a minute I stuck my tongue out of my mouth I could taste some sort of mouth burning powder like dust i’m pretty sure it was disgusting.

BOOM 1 point for the anzacs! My ears are about to burst they are so sore.

First day completed I don't know how many day's are left.


  1. Well done completing this writing over the term break Carmen, you've used some descriptive language throughout and managed to show NOT tell some things like "My ears are about to burst" and "my heart wouldn't stop pounding". Very emotive. Well Done.
    Mrs Parker

  2. Hi Carmen,

    I Iiked how you said "we waited for three hours, it felt like forever."

    I bet it would have felt like forever - worse than waiting for your birthday to arrive! Worse than waiting for everyone else to wake up on Christmas morning - because you know that when the waiting is over for you in this battle, nothing good will be at the end of it.

    Thanks for writing such a cool diary entry!

    Kind regards,
    Miss Wells
    (Tamaki College)